God love ‘em…mobile phones….I don’t know what I’d do without mine, but it has come to my notice of late that the ‘text message’ phenomenon can cause more problems than it’s worth. Seemingly an easier form of communication that eliminates the hassle of actually physically talking to the other person at the end of the line, (something I’ve often rejoiced about, particularly when it comes to delivering a bit of ‘awkward’ news i.e. “I’ve seen your boyfriend with that bird from Tesco’s,” or the ever popular “You’re dumped.”) the text message in reality actually imposes a whole new set of issues to confront.
In the first instance we have ‘tone’ to contend with, something that is utterly impossible to convey in the form of a text message. I’ve known friendships to literally shatter because one friend sent something seemingly innocent to another, but without the inflections that would have been apparent had she used her actual voice her message might just as well have read “Die Bitch.”
Then of course there’s the issue with kisses. X – one tiny little letter and one that has such a profound impact that again it can make or break a relationship. There’s that point at the start of any love affair where we must all deliberate over how many X’s we include – one looks a little too ‘friend like,’ but doesn’t two just look desperate!? Then there’s the X issue once you’re in; “He’s only put one X,” many a friend has wept looking broken heartedly at her phone (okay, fine, I’ve been guilty of it as well!) – well shit that must mean he’s gone and done an Ashley Cole and has been shagging half way around the Midlands behind you’re back. Men have cringed as they accidentally end a text to another male pal with a kiss, firing it off before they’ve even realised it – “He must now think I’m gay,” while Women have used the X as a weapon – huh yeah, you don’t actually have to write “die bitch,” just end with one solitary X…ha, ha! And just what in God’s name is the protocol when it comes to texting your boss!?
Moving swiftly on though and we come to my biggest bug bear when it comes to the lowly text message – Predictive text! I say the words through gritted teeth. Many a times have I sent a message in haste only to discover that “Happy birthday,” has somehow become “Happy Bollocks!” and just yesterday I sent a text explaining I would be “five monsters” late instead of “five minutes,” – Five Monsters that doesn’t even make sense! Just who’s predicting these things anyway? If you’re going to make an educated guess dear phone could you actually make it educated!
Yes, text message has served me well, but maybe next time, all things considering, I’ll just pick up the phone and do it the old fashioned way.
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