Things every girl should know by her mid twenties............

1. The one is out there......but he's probably not the one you  thought he was!

By your mid twenties, you will probably have dated all of the wrong kinds of men. You will have truly believed that at least 88% of those men were in fact THE ONE. They probably weren't. Dust yourself off, learn from your mistakes and move on!! The one is still out there waiting while your wasting time pining around for Mr-is-actually-a-total-knob-but-you-just-can't-see-it!



2. Friendships don't always last.

But this is okay! By your mid twenties you will probably have lost a lot of loose chaff on the way. Childhood friendships don't always mature well......they are not fine wine! Focus on keeping healthy relationships in your life - friends who bring out the best in you.


3. You should always make time for everyone in your life

It's hard, it sometimes means giving up Sunday morning Hollyoaks, but you should always make time for family and friends. Life is short. Don't become an 'I'm too busy' kind of gal. You may never get those opportunities again.


4. There's no point comparing yourself to others.

You do you really well so why are you trying to be someone else. Comparing yourself to others is unhealthy and unrealistic. Focus on trying to be the best possible version of you.

5. You should never give up dreaming.

While you're focusing on being the best possible you, remember not to give up your dreams. If you're still breathing, there's still time.

6. Have fun

Life is for living. We all have to work to earn money, but work to live, don't live to work. Take time for a little fun.

Leave Miley Allloooonnneee

Folks you just gotta start leaving Miley Cyrus alone because you are pushing me dangerously close to pulling a Chris Crocker and squishing my tear stained face up against the camera of a You Tube vid, screaming "Leave Miley Alone!!"

I jest of course ....( No I'm not, I really will do it!) .... But God it got my goat right bleating today when I saw a report in the papers that branded Miley's new video 'soft porn'. 

Porn??!!! Really??!!

I mean , I AM concerned for Miley, but only because licking work site tools is terribly unhygienic and sitting on metal with your bare tush can only end in haemorrhoids - get yourself a nice pair of M and S Bridget Jones's love - but Linda Lovelace she ain't !!! 

What is it about a naked body that disgusts the world so much? It's perfectly natural, we've all got one ( although admittedly Cyrus's would probably fit whole in one of the legs of my skinny jeans ....damn you bitch). 

We as a society spend so much time telling women that things have changed , urging them to embrace their sexuality and to love themselves for who they are and yet the minute that a young woman does just that she is branded a 'slut' ( a word that should be sent right into the naughty corner with the C bomb if you ask me ). 

We just aren't practicing what we preach now are we? 

A little advice for Miley - keep doing what you're doing and ignore the haters sister

( although maybe next time think about spray tanning the puppies before you let them out the kennel !!!) 

Miley Cyrus dropped from Vogue!!

Anna Wintour has apparently dropped Miley Cyrus from appearing in Vogue after what she calls a 'distasteful' performance at the VMA's ........yes everyone is still talking about that pvc outfit and the giant hand that accompanied it!

Am I the only one that doesn't get it??

I really didn't think it was altogether that bad. Don't get me wrong, it was slightly cringeworthy and perhaps not exactly what one might call appropriate for a prime time family television show, but it wasn't a performance worthy of all those shocked faces in the audience that evening, or the wild accusatory headlines the following morning.

I logged onto You Tube totally expecting to see Miley defecating onto Robin Thicke's shoes or something. What I actually saw was nothing that hasn't been done before by Madonna, Rihanna, Kelly Rowland, Britney, Beyoncé........the list goes on and on. To be honest, I was a little bored by the whole thing.

Miley is seemingly trying to find out who she is. After spending much of her childhood as a squeaky clean Disney teen, she is following a natural process to discover her own sexuality and personality. She will undoubtedly suffer many pit falls along the way because that's all part of growing up. It's just unfortunate that she is doing it in the spotlight and that publications like Vogue, who strive so hard to celebrate the development of women, have this time failed to do their job.

Rise of the angry birds

 Lately I've been feeling a little on edge......actually....on edge is probably a rather hefty understatement. I held a door open for a woman in town the other day who, on passing through said door, completely ignored my good deed and neglected to pass any form of thanks - not even an appreciative head nod.

Right then and there I could feel a violent swirling in my stomach, my throat became dry, my eyes reddened as though some kind of satanic light was shining behind them.

I was about to go batshit crazy.

Luckily I spotted a promotion on earrings (ooh shiny things) before I had chance to drag the bitch back by her hair and face plant her up the door that I was now gripping onto with all the force of the Incredible Hulk. Unfortunately though, this is not the first time that I've felt the 'rage' and it's getting more and more frequent. Passengers in my car are often treated to a rather glorious 'f-bomb' or two as I screech at other motorists and I'm almost positive that the last three lightning storms we had by my house were a direct result of my absolute fury bubbling over so much so, that it caused some kind of freak reaction in the sky.

 I don't seem to be the only one with an axe to grind either (talking of which it's probably best to keep sharp things out of my way for the foreseeable future!). Adele, Rihanna, Serena Williams, Britney.....the list goes on and on....have all had very public blow outs. Punching camera men, lobbing tennis rackets into the crowd and verbally abusing just about everyone on Twitter, has now become the norm for some of our favourite celebrities.

"The trouble is," says psychologist Kerry Daynes, " Is that women are forced to deal with unrealistic expectations. We place so much importance at being the best at everything that our stress levels are at an all time high."

So what the hell do I do about it then huh?!!




 

Er no..........this is not the answer!!!

 

 



Take time out.........

Anger very often comes from stress and stress from not taking time to sit back and smell the roses. Life is full of deadlines, trying to please everybody, meetings, targets......oh God it's working me up just thinking about it!! Take at least half and hour everyday for yourself. Turn off the phone.....do it and do it now! Put on some relaxing music, take a long hot bath and allow yourself to unwind.

Exercise

Exercise can combat so much more than a muffin top. Proven to help combat depression, it can also relieve stress, releasing feel good endorphins that make you want to hug not hurt!!!

Be honest

If something is bothering you share it! Don't bottle up emotion until the cork suddenly pops off in a great shower of 'shit and bollocks!' Grab a bottle of wine and a trusted friend and indulge in a good old chin wag.

Realise why you are angry

I am the biggest culprit when it comes to getting angry about the little things rather than dealing with the one big issue that's making me angry in the first place! If something is riling you, go back to the roots and snip right there.


It's not always easy to quell the fire inside and indeed, psychologist Massimo Stocchi says that "Anger can actually be a good thing, telling us when something is wrong that could potentially harm us."  It's simply about learning how to deal with it in the right way.

Woolwich Murder

The horrific murder on the streets of Woolwich yesterday has shocked and sickened a nation. Almost instantaneously cries permeated the stunned hush after the attack - "Something must be done," and quite rightly so. But as riot police gathered last night to calm the baying crowds it became clear that 'something,' must also be the 'right' thing.

Last night I heard "get rid of them all," at least a dozen times from those around me, 'Them' of course, referring to the society of Muslims that live within our community. Tarring all of 'them' with the same brush, which is an almighty hefty brush at that, is not by any means the answer.

These men were not acting on behalf of a religion, they were hiding behind it. I fail to believe that anyone that can so cruelly hack a man to death like an animal savaging its prey, is carrying out the work of any God be it Allah or otherwise. They were sick and deranged individuals, berated instantly by all and that includes The Muslim Council Of Britain who said: "This is a truly barbaric act that has no basis in Islam and we condemn this unreservedly."

You cannot blame every Muslim for this atrocity any more than you can blame every Christian for the acts of Hitler, or every white man for paedophilia. In Boston when the bombs went off, the state stood together unresolvedly as one to put on a united front to terrorists worldwide, here we crumble and the police- the very force that risk their lives to keep us safe- find themselves the victims of missile attacks as they try to quell the swelling violence.

Many Muslims are British citizens, were born here and are damn proud to be British. For God’s sake don’t target them and blame them for the act of two utterly cowardly, despicable and almost certainly psychologically disturbed creatures (and creatures are what they are, because someone capable of taking another man’s life in such a horrific way no longer has the right to call himself a human being).

Don’t lower yourselves to their standards and instead take the proverbial hand of your neighbour be it Black, White or Asian and show the world that we stand together as a nation, that we will not be defeated by acts of terrorism from anybody.

Finally as you close your eyes tonight, no matter what religion, say a prayer for the family of the victim, because in the end it is them that have to pick up the pieces now.

Features Lounge

I like to peruse celebrity gossip websites during my breaks - I'm sorry...I know, it's terribly sad and I really should be brushing up on my knowledge of the what the horrifically boring folks in parliament have to say, but it's an addiction that I'm getting help for!

Anyway.....I was so bewildered today at one headline that I nearly spit my PG Tips back into my mug.

"BEYONCE POSTS PICTURE OF HERSELF AND USES BEST ANGLE," it bellowed out to me.

Eh?!

The article went onto drone on about how Beyonce had posted a supposedly 'natural' picture of herself backstage but that the image was infact a professional one taken from her best side.

Once again......EH?!

That's not news!! That's not even shocking - although perhaps I'm slightly shocked that Beyonce has a 'best side,' I'm pretty sure that woman looks fairly decent from all angles.....bitch!

I'm not being funny, but there aint one of us out there that hasn't throughly edited our profile pics until our mouse fingers ache and our eyes start to hurt and there aint one of us out there that hasn't untagged at least one picture after a drunken night out because of how hideous we look in it!

I want to know whose shagging who behind someone elses back! I want to know who emerged from the toilets of a posh Hollywood party with a suspicious covering of white powder on the end of their nose and I want to know which diva punched a photographer in the mouth for getting too close!

Who cares if Beyonce doctored a few pics - if she'd have emerged looking like a bag of spanners then she'd have been slated for that too. Gossip sites listen up....how about you stop mocking appearences and ridiculing body image and give me something juicy to read during my break?!

Don't call me baby ....

Upon serving an eighteen year old recently - I knew she was eighteen because I'd smirkingly checked her ID .... Worst. Mugshot. Ever!! - I was horrified to hear the words 'thankyou sweetheart' as I handed her her change.

Sweetheart??!! I used to get narked when old men called me 'wench' because it reminds me off buxom tavern girls back when Shakespeare was still a nipper, but SWEETHEART!! The girl was exactly ten years younger than me and she made me feel like I was still running around,hair in pigtails and jelly shoes clasped to my feet.

Ok,so I looked longingly at a pair of jelly shoes this week but that is NOT the point ....I didn't buy them.

Since when has it been ok to talk to your elders like children?

I always find it uncomfortable in nursing homes listening to the nurses baby talking to the residents - just because they have to suck up their shredded wheat through a straw doesn't mean that they haven't lived and earns the right for respect.

When too did it become ok to sign off emails to the boss with kisses - unless of course you're secretly at it with them, but that's a whole other can of moral and ethical worms!

When did it become the norm to call everyone older than you 'Hun,' 'Chick,' or 'Darling,' and quite frankly if you're one of those women who lets your bloke call you 'Baby,' then you've let the side down girlfriend. Years of fighting for women's rights have gone plop down the pan because of you!!!

Have a bit of respect people !! And for goodness sakes , don't call me sweetheart unless your over sixty five!

 

All hail the sun!!!

Oh my god.....no.....it can't be.....wait,wait......it is!!! SUNSHINE!!!
I can't tell you how absolutely smack me in the chops ecstatic I am that summer seems to be creeping in-albeit it very slowly.

Everything seems better in the sun. My skin adopts a healthy glow,shedding its mangled prune like state (remember SPF though folks),my wet poodle like locks suddenly do what they are told and if they don't I can claim boho chic, music gets faster and louder,cider looks right with Ice in it and men take their tops off!!!

(okay so the last one isn't always a bonus ,particularly when it's Wayne from the ghetto sporting sagging moons and lager jelly belly).

My mood drastically improves in the sun too. I spend the winter in foul depression, living out my days as the embodiment of The Shinings Jack Torrance - all wild eyed and crazy - "Heeerrreee's Vicki." Then suddenly the sun comes out and I suddenly melt from my Honey Monster like state to flower power hippy chick - totally man, free hugs for all.

Life adopts the three p's ; prosperity, purpose and pissed up BBQ's and I get more sleep because sunbathing isn't frowned upon as much as staying in bed all day!!!!

If I had my way we'd have summer all the time .....in fact someone get me the weatherman on the blower ....we need to talk!!

To click or not to click ?

When my friend asked me today why I don't try internet dating, I pulled the same face as I do when the trashy ads for dating sites come on the TV and explained that I quite fancied getting through life without being raped, murdered, or chopped into little bits and buried under some one eyed, buck toothed weirdo's patio thanks very much.

"You're being too cynical." She informed me. Alright for her to say - she's been with her partner for ages.

 "But if I wasn't I'd be right on that Match.com." She gushed.

Was I being cynical? I've always thought that Mr Right would appear out of nowhere - our eyes would meet across a crowded train (although I never travel on trains), or we'd both reach for the same Pot Noodle in Asda ( although most of the time I spend in supermarkets is used ram raiding old biddies out of the god forsaken way) and that would be that. He'd sweep me off my feet and we'd spend the rest of our lives in blissful married harmony.

"You're joking aren't you?!" My friend tutted at me. "The world moves too fast these days, there's no time to be locking eyes across any kind of public transport - everyone's got somewhere to be as fast as they can and most of the time they're doing it as they face plant their i-Phones."

"Maybe I'll meet someone on a night out?" I asked hopefully, my face dropping as she shook her head.

"You're more likely to come home with vom on your shoes than Mr Rights number."

She then preceded to reason with me for three quarters of an hour that everything is done online now - shopping, finding a job - " You wouldn't sit back and just wait for the right career to drop into your lap would you? So why would you wait for the right man to?"

But isn't internet dating so cliched?

I decided to open it up to Facebook (naturally !!). What did people think? Turns out, I've got a very outdated view of internet dating. 99% off my friends thought it was the best thing since Tamagotchi's (which were pretty damn cool in the 90s you know). Most of them had met their husbands and wives on an internet site.

"But what about the weirdo's?" I asked.

The majority response was that as long as you're careful and use genuine sites, you're pretty much safe.

The Suzy Lamplugh Trust offers the following advice:
"Safety should always be your first priority – whether you’ve met them in a club, through friends or online.
Whenever you are going out to meet someone you do not know well, leave details of where you are going, who you are meeting and when you expect to return – if your plans change, tell someone.
Arrange your first few dates in a busy public place. 
Trust your instincts. If someone makes you nervous or uneasy, leave the situation immediately. ."

Of course there are downfalls. " In the real world you'd look at someone and know if you fancy them or not, its much harder to make the assessment with emails." One friend told me, " Plus there seems to be a kind of etiquette and I never really feel like, as a woman, I can make the first move to arrange a date.....but heck its an evening out with new people with new stories - If nothing else it's fun to laugh at the messages you get....like offers of threesomes and weird sex requests."

"See," My friend nodded at me smugly, " Mr Right aint on the number 493 to Wolverhampton, he's waiting online!"

Hmmm, I'm not entirely convinced. I reckon I'm still holding out for a heroto ride in on horseback and chuck me over his shoulder....Amen Bonnie Tyler!

Boston Marathon

My thoughts go out today to the people killed and injured during yesterday's marathon in Boston. I've never understood those who take innocent lives, but they can be sure that they are only making the good stronger. As the world unites to offer their prayers and thoughts to the victims and their families it serves as a reminder to the tiny minority that are determined to destroy man-kind - you walk alone and always will.

Features Lounge

I've been invited to a ball in May and as well as perusing designer websites for the perfect frock, I decided to read up on a little 19th century ball etiquette to see if I can pull off the whole sophistication thingy.

'Gentle guidelines ' as they were referred to back when Gaga would have made genteel society gag gag, suggest that....

1. Ladies should accept offers of a dance with any gentleman that sees it fit to take her hand .

......sooo that means not telling the drunken muppet that keeps groping your butt to go bollocks while you're trying to get your Beyonce on then?

2. Women should be careful not to create gossip by paying too much attention to one gentleman in particular.

.......no snogging in the corner of the dance floor then : (

3. No loud laughter, talking or staring should be witnessed in a woman's behaviour.

....... What ??!! .....what you mean I'm not whispering as quietly as I think I am when
I've tossed back my fifth tequila.

4. Finally women should leave the dance quietly in a refrained manner.

...... So I can't even flash at taxi drivers to get a cheaper fare then??!

Turns out this etiquette malarkey probably isn't going to be for me ..... You can take the girl out of the noughties, but it seems you can't take the naughties out of the girl !!!

Features Lounge

BOOBYLICIOUS



It's estimated that 75-85% of women wear the wrong bra and I was definitely one of them.
Okay, hands up being totally honest here, I knew and I continued to do nada about it. The only reason I eventually went and got measured was because I stepped on the last bra I owned that had a complete underwire and broke that one too and decided that enough was enough - I was fed up of having cock-eyed boobs. I needed me some sexy new lingerie to boost my confidence and I needed it in the right size too!!

So off I trotted, purse in hand to treat myself and along the way I learnt a few scary little facts.......

WHY YOU SHOULD WEAR THE RIGHT SIZE BRA..........

Besides cock-eyed boobs, the lady that fitted me at La Senza told me that a lot of women don't realise the health risks involved with wearing the wrong size puppy hammocks.

Shoulder and arm complaints can all be linked to the wrong kind of support, as can tension across the shoulders and neck - all things that I suffered with on a day to day basis. The goddess of all things boobylicious also told me that the wrong size bra can even contribute to headaches and spine problems of the lower back. Bra's that are too tight can also cause skin problems.

Who'd have thought it huh?

Eventually, after whipping a tape measure around me here, there and everywhere as she talked, the sales assistant told me that I'd gone up two cup sizes and down one back size - bit of a shock all things considered!

So ladies, if you think you're wearing the wrong bra size, you probably are and it's worth going and getting measured.....it could be good for your health!!!

Ten year plan? Life's too short!!!

 

Recently my feature Seeking Sunshine, described how research by Greenwich University has shown that an alarming 75% of women under thirty are experiencing a ‘quarter life crisis’.

The pressure to have relationships, careers and finances in a healthy place as soon as possible has become more intense than ever and with social media such as Facebook and Twitter out there rubbing our noses in other peoples achievements, it is becoming easier and easier to feel like a failure.

 But let’s all just calm down for a moment here. Since when did things get so regimented? Surely your twenties is the decade to find out what you want from life….not to plan the rest of

 it out with military precision.

  Kerri Kellet certainly thinks so anyway……

 “When I left school I wanted to do a makeup course but it wasn’t financially viable,” she explains, “and so I went to college to study Beauty Therapy. Very quickly I realised that touching old ladies feet and waxing bikini lines just wasn’t for me and so I quit. In fact I became quite

a pro at quitting as it happens! I worked in retail for a while, but every job I took on I gave up. I even tried to fool myself into thinking that I wanted to be a nursery nurse – it was a nice steady career to get into- but after starting the apprenticeship again I knew it wasn’t for me.

 My friends and family told me that unless I stuck to something I’d find it harder and harder to get work, but I just wasn’t prepared to do something that made me unhappy just for the sake of being ‘settled.’

I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t take another job unless it had something to do with writing or makeup or both. I knew that if I wasn’t passionate about something that I wasn’t going to stick it out, no matter what anybody else thought I should or shouldn’t do.

 That was when I finally found a job with Estee Lauder in Selfridges, followed by a role as a social networking blogger and media promotions officer – which I love! I’ve even blogged for More magazine and am now part of their More Beauty Top 100, where I get to chat beauty 24/7. In my spare time I also do spray tanning!

Life is too short for plans and things don’t always happen the way that you think they will anyway. I know what I love (makeup and Harley Davidson's in case you’re wondering) and I know I’m enjoying my current life, but who knows what the future will bring and that’s the exciting bit – not the bit that makes me miserable! Maybe one day I will live in London or in New York, or maybe I’ll just go back to my hometown of York. As long as I’m happy, comfortable and painting the town orange with my friends, I’m not going to worry about what I ‘should’ be doing by the time I’m thirty.”

Time to get fit!

I've used every excuse going throughout January to let the fitness regime lapse - it's snowing, it's cold, I've got a cold, I'm tired, I haven't eaten all of my Christmas chocolate yet so what's the point....blah blah blah - but even I have to admit that now it's time to ditch the excuses and the excess flubber!

Exercise is all about the mindset ( and a good soundtrack....if you're exercising to James Blunt then you're doing it all wrong!......in fact just don't listen to James Blunt.....James Blunt is bad.). Once you've got your head round it all then the rest comes fairly easily.

Be your own guide

Work out what suits you best. Are you a morning person or do you prefer to pound the pavements later in the afternoon? Do you get the best from classes or would you rather go it alone? Indoors or outdoors? Nobody sticks to things that they don't enjoy!

Don't run before you can walk

Don't expect to run a marathon straight away - this goes even if you already have! If you haven't ever exercised or if you've let things slide over the winter months, then take it steady. Run for three minutes, walk for two. Build your fitness up gradually.....unless you want to be walking like John Wayne for the rest of the week! Each time you exercise increase the length and eventually increase the number of days that you do it for. You'll soon notice results.

Social network it baby

Okay, so it might drive everybody mad seeing constant updates about your progress, but the drive to make other people impressed is in us all. Sign up to Endomondo and show off through Facebook! The more you feel you're impressing others, the more you'll want to stick at it. It's human nature and it works.

Set the right goal

I have accepted that I am never going to look like Cheryl Cole. Not in a million years, not even if I wish really hard to every God going. It aint gonna happen. The girl is constantly surrounded with fitness experts, makeup teams and hairstylists to make her look that good. I've got a hairbrush and a mirror and most of the time I'm singing into said hair brush and not using it for my locks!!! Goals to be six stone are unrealistic and unhealthy. Instead I've found the best kind of goal is to get fit. Once I've got fit, the next goal is to complete a challenge - cycle a long way, run a marathon etc etc. Always be working to something. That way you'll stick to it. If I happen to get Cheryl's washboard in the process then happy days!

Buddy up

Personally I'm a lone wolfette, but that's mainly because I can't run, breathe and talk at the same time, but there's plenty of evidence to support the theory that working together gets the job done. Working out with a friend means extra motivation when you aren't really feeling it.

NO MORE EXCUSES!

Excuses are easy to make but there really aren't that many that actually stand when it comes to exercise. Think you don't have time? - Research shows that just half an hours exercise a day can massively improve your health. Think you can't afford it? - Running outdoors only costs the price of a decent pair of trainers. Mine came in at fifty quid...can't argue with that! Too embarrassed?- No-ones going to laugh at someone trying to make a difference, in fact they're more likely to encourage you. If you're that embarrassed try a home workout video until you feel ready to go out in front of the world. Got asthma? - Get a grip! Make sure you carry an inhaler and stick to light exercise until you can build your body up to go a little more hardcore. There are very few health conditions that prevent exercise but tons that can be improved with it! Doctors and physios can offer practical advice before you start your fitness regime.

Happy getting fit!

 Well....it doesn't hurt to dream of course!!!!!

Women Vs Weight

It might be cold outside but that sure as hell hasn’t stopped us girls counting down the days until bikini time. Wouldn’t it be lovely if we could just shed the pounds as soon as the sun came out as quickly as a Hollywood starlet sheds her post baby weight?

Sometimes though, it just isn’t as easy as all that. Emily Russell shares her story about her on-going battle with weight loss.

“Although I was never overweight as a young child or in my early teens, I found that in adulthood it became more and more difficult to maintain the shape that I wanted, weighing in at about sixteen stone, which even for my height (5”8) was still too much. From about 2002 I tried calorie controlled diets, eating only 1000 calories a day and it worked for a while, but I could never maintain the weight loss. In 2006 my sister asked me to be a bridesmaid for her the following year and so I really put my all into the programme, but I just came to a complete standstill. I simply couldn’t understand why as I stuck religiously to 1000 calories a day and attended fitness classes regularly. Eventually I paid for a personal trainer to help me. He was brilliant and massively improved my fitness levels but I still lost nothing. He asked me to keep a food diary because he thought I was eating too much, but once he saw it he actually upped my calories to 1500. After a year I had only lost 2lb and gave him up (mainly due to the financial side of it).

Then I met my now husband Chris. We moved in together and my weight rocketed by four stone. Admittedly everyone eats more when they are in a relationship, but my friends and family were concerned that I really didn’t eat that much to be the size that I was. By this point I’d joined a running club and participated twice a week and I was going to the gym too.

In 2009 I remember very clearly driving home and getting a really intense pain in my thumb on the left side. Over the next few weeks the pain moved up my arm and into my chest. I was terrified that it was because I was overweight and at the same time concerned that it was because I was over-exercising and that my body couldn’t cope with it. I was taken into A and E about a month later one night because the pain escalated so badly. The doctor pretty much told me that I’d wasted his time and not to do it again. He told me I needed to see a physio. So along I went to see one and low and behold, they told me that I was wasting their time too and to go back to the doctor. Over the course of the next year I was sent to and fro from doctor to physio whilst the pain just got worse and worse. I was fitted with a 24 hour blood pressure test but even that came back fine. Between the summer of 2010 and the December of 2011 I had an ECG, a series of blood tests and an ultrasound as whatever the problem was had now started to affect my menstrual cycle and I became anaemic. My weight continued to grow steadily and my hair had started to become very thin. I was constantly tired and my mother-in-law used to call me Sleeping Beauty because all I did was sleep. I saw a succession of doctors and was even referred to a counsellor with hypochondria as doctors thought my problems were a manifestation of stress. I had started to believe this myself truth be told, but I had one session and was discharged because the doctor said it wasn’t psychological.

By this point I was convinced I was dying and I drove my friends and family mad. Chris and I even split up in November 2011. I was Googling my symptoms all the time which didn’t help and I suffered panic attacks and insomnia. It was a very low point in my life.

Then I found a doctor that actually listened to me. By December 2011 he had already done three blood tests and all confirmed that I had a high ESR and a dodgy thyroid. Further tests to check my antibodies showed that they were actually attacking my thyroid gland and he started me on Thyroxine meds straight away. I was utterly shocked. I’d always believed that ‘thyroid problems’ were just a fat person’s excuse not to lose weight and I didn’t realise that the thyroid gland could produce all of the crazy symptoms that I was having. Unfortunately by this point I was having terrible menstrual problems and had to go to a gynaecologist. I was diagnosed with Ectropian and in March 2012 had my cervix cauterized.

With my problems finally diagnosed as Hypothyroidism, I started on a really strict diet and hoped that it would work. I went to the gym four times a week and ran at least once a week too. I lost three stone in the first three months. After that I was losing about 3lb a week – it was literally dripping off me. I religiously recorded my calories to make sure I didn’t over or under eat. Chris and I had now sorted our differences and were engaged. In January 2012 I got measured for my wedding dress as a size 22 but when I went for my final fitting in July they had to take it all the way in to a 12 at the top and a 14/16 on the bottom. The women at the dress shop said they’d never known anything like it! I even had to have my wedding and engagement ring taken down two sizes.

Life is good again now. My friends and family say that it’s like having the old me back. Now and again my weight goes up and down – like any normal woman- but I’ve joined a British Military fitness club to keep myself in shape. I have loads of energy now and I’m not so tired these days.  I will be on meds for the rest of my life but as long as I never feel the way I did again, then that’s okay with me.

For more information on Hypothyroidism visit http://www.thyroiduk.org.uk

 

Seeking Sunshine

When depression hits......

It's January - officially the most depressing month of the year. The glitter and sparkle of Christmas has been packed away until December, the summer seems light years away and the windscreen wipers on my car keep freezing to my fecking windscreen.

It was while I was chiseling said wipers free recently that I had some kind of mini-breakdown. My hours at work had been cut drastically (a job, by the way, that was only ever meant to be a temporary thing to pay the bills, but that has now become my main and only job), the machine at the bank just laughed at me every time I tried to take cash out and the sky was rabbit butt grey for the fiftieth day in the row. Sobbing against my car, a scraper in one hand and my head in the other was not something I started the day intending to do, but hey ho it gave the neighbours something to talk about.

Worryingly it seems, I'm not the only twenty something to experience this kind of freak out. Recent  research by Greenwich University discovered that alarmingly 75% of women between the ages of 26 and 30 are experiencing what I have now dubbed 'Defrosting the car meltdown.' (This may also read; 'My hair is greasy meltdown,' ' I have nothing to wear meltdown' and the ever popular ' cashpoint won't pay out meltdown).

The pressure to have relationships, careers and finances in a healthy place by the time young women hit thirty has become more intense than ever and with social media such as Facebook and Twitter out there rubbing our noses in other peoples achievements, it is becoming easier and easier to feel like a failure.

So, how do us girls survive in a world that seems to be getting increasingly darker? Seek out the sunshine that's how.

Forget Facebook

First things first. Social media is a great way to stay in touch, but we all must learn to ditch the daily compara-thon. How many times have you updated your status when you've got a new bloke, a new job or when you're off on holiday? Humans like to brag whether we admit to it or not and it's very easy to get a warped version of someone else's life from a status update. Katie-whatserface might have a super duper job as a lawyer on thirty grand a year, but what she's not telling you is that her husband left her for a younger model and that she's so exhausted by the time she gets home that she can't even make it through Emmerdale without falling asleep, let alone have a social life.
Don't compare yourself to anybody else, especially not through social media.

Be positive

As my mother led me away from my car and into the house in a blur of snot and tears, she told me that what I really needed was a bit of positivity and she was right. Positivity breeds positivity.

Savour the moment

Okay so savouring the moment might not help you get your dream career but it will help you to be a calmer, more relaxed and confident person, which is exactly what any employer out there will be looking for. Listen to your favourite music, see people who bring out the fun side of you, learn to notice and enjoy positive experiences instead of dwelling on bad ones. Every little helps.

Learn optimism

If you assume everything will go wrong it probably will. Believe me I'm an expert! Turn every bad experience into a positive one. If you fail at a job interview consider what you were missing and try to work on improving that about yourself (always ask for feedback from every interview). Focus on the things that you are already good at and remind yourself that bad times pass.




Useful links


Help and advice about depression and mental health
www.mind.org.uk

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Depression/Pages/Introduction.aspx

www.Time-to-Change.org.uk

Careers advice

 NationalCareersService.gov.uk

 

www.prospects.ac.uk/careers

Buy!

 

The Secret by Rhonda Byrne (4 Dec 2006)

£14.99 £8.54 Hardcover

Order in the next 2 hours and get it by Wednesday, Jan 16.

Eligible for FREE Super Saver Delivery.

£8.99Kindle Edition

Available for download now
www.amazon.co.uk

Features Lounge

Moral dilemma

It's been widely documented that I am looking for work - I enjoy my job but there's a pair of Louboutins out there with my name on them and quite frankly my measly salary won't even pay for the bus fare to the shop - and so it has passed that I will be for as long as it takes, searching the Internet for my dream role.....and my dream wage packet.

It was upon scrolling through pages and pages of boring jobs on a job site that will remain nameless however, that I stumbled upon a right moral dilemma.

 Now, when it comes to morals I'm all for being a bit lax - I'm not above embellishing the truth on my CV for example, however this particular predicament kinda knocked me for six.

The job in question was advertised at £28,000 per year. Dear reader, you really must understand that it's unusual for me to see £8,000 per year at the moment, the penniless writer that I am and so the pound signs started flashing in my eyes as I stared greedily at the screen. I was and continue to be, more than fully qualified for the role, in fact I'd be quite good at it, but I could not bring myself to press the 'apply now' button and I shall tell you why.

The role was part of the admin team on a website (that again shall remain nameless....slander and all that) that encouraged married folk to stray from their partners and embark upon an affair or three.

God I want those Louboutins, I really, really do and I want a new car and a Mulberry handbag, but I am pleased to announce that I actually do possess a few morals deep down inside my soul somewhere.

In fact, I can't quite believe that websites like that exist out there. Surely relationships are hard enough to work through without every Tom, Harry and Dickhead launching websites that make it even easier to cheat?!

I guess affairs can be exhilarating and exciting which all look pretty great if it's not that way at home, but ultimately they will inevitably hurt someone and often times, that damage is extremely difficult to repair. I know many a woman ....and many a man in-fact, that have struggled not only to forgive an affair, but also to move on from one as the injured party. They destroy people's confidence, make them believe that they aren't good enough, pretty enough..etc, etc and no one human being should ever make another feel that way. Not only that, but folks entering into affairs are just glossing over problems instead of facing up to them, which again, will ultimately end in pain.

We've all been there, done that and made stupid mistakes, but to me websites like these need to be shut down and forgotten about. Life and love is hard enough.

In the end I didn't apply, I can't condone something I don't agree with (obviously...doh!). I guess it's back to the drawing board. On the plus side I did find a nice little job in Ann Summers......hmmm imagine what I could get discounts on in there?!!??!

Happy New Year!

Well, there it is, we made it and a happy 2013 to you all. Here's hoping that we can take with us the positive aspects of 2012 - a huge jubilee celebration, the Olympics and of course, surviving the Mayans prediction of the end of the world - and channel them all into the new year.

As usual I decided to make a couple of resolutions, although I've steered clear of the ones that I know I'm going to break! There's no point declaring that I'm going to give up chocolate.....I'll go for a week without it and then I'll be holding up Cadbury World demanding swag bags of Dairy Milk. Same goes for cider!

I have however, decided to live life to the fullest that I possibly can. To laugh everyday and to be a kinder person. To learn how to say 'no' and to learn when to say 'yes.' To seek out new opportunities instead of waiting for them to seek me out. I'm going to get healthy not skinny and I'm going to learn to look in the mirror and like what I see looking back....... oh and I've decided that I'm going to win the lottery too.



As for the blog.....well....there's plenty in the pipeline. Hopefully 2013 will see the development of the 'Keep it Zipped' campaign, plus there will be features, music and fashion galore. Just watch this space and may the new year be a happy, prosperous and wonderful one for all of you out there.

Features Lounge

IT'S CHRIIIIISSSSTTTMMMMMAAASSSS!!!

Ah welcome reader, you join me as my right eye starts to twitch involuntarily, as my body starts to shudder and as a single bead of sweat breaks on my forehead. It's that time of year again (nope not bath time) - the time of year when Cliff dusts off his vocal chords, drinking Baileys at 11am becomes acceptable and children start to projectile vomit in excitement.

It's Chrissssstttmmmmaaassss!

And whilst I love the twinkle of the tinsel, the smell of the mince pies and Slade on repeat, there's always a sense of dread that starts deep in my stomach as soon as December begins.

It's the present buying thing and, before you send out three wise ghosts to show me the error of my grumpy ways, it's not because I resent buying them. In fact it's totally the opposite. I love to see the look on somone's face when I've absolutely nailed it with the perfect present. Trouble is, getting that perfect present is no easy feat.

Even when you've formulated a plan, convinced the bank to let you squeeze another few quid out of your credit card and made a pretty little list, you still have to do the actual shopping part. (And yes, I know that things can be done online these days, but things can only be done online if you think about doing christmas shopping before May. Otherwise your beloved local postie can't guarantee to get you the goods on time, resulting in daggers from granny over the Christmas Turkey.)

It's that moment that you pull into a queue of traffic five miles away from the shopping centre you're aiming for, that you start to think that your trip might be a bad idea. Still, you persevere because you know that BHS have got a cracking jam pot collection that would be fab for your Aunty Val.

Then you arrive upon 'The Car Park.' For most of the year 'The Car Park,' is a serene place, littered with empty Mcdonalds wrappers and peppered with spray paint, watching cars swoosh in and out until closing time. At Christmas however, 'The Car Park' undergoes some kind of Jekyll and Hyde transformation. It becomes the battle ground of wide eyed, frenzied shoppers, sharpening their weapons ( middle fingers and the C. U. Next. Tuesday word) and ready to take on anyone that dare get in their way. The one way system goes completely to pot as venomous drivers spot a space three rows up and go any which way to get to it first, hitting 70 as mothers whisk their screaming children out of the way just in time.

If you do manage to park, you then have to move around the shopping centre, which is easier said than done with a pram up your arse courtsey of the new mother whose space you've just knicked. Every shop is crammed full of increasingly aggitated shoppers, who quite frankly couldn't give a shit if 98 year old Grandpa Fred doesn't like his Lady Gaga cd because after an hour in the pits of hell "That's what he's bloody getting."

Children swarm around your feet like rats following the Pied Piper, old dears trundle along in front of you and then stop dead just as you start picking up momemtum, causing you to hurtle over the tops of their blue rinses. You start to sweat. It becomes uncomforable and you start to wish that you'd brought a change of pants. The carrier bags in your hands start to cut into the skin of your fingers and then one breaks, scattering presents left right and centre which are then kicked out of reach by wild shoppers who are in such blind panic that they can't see you scrabbling about on the floor.

You think briefly about getting a drink, something to give you a bit of a boost to carry on. Then you realise that twenty thousand other people have decided to do that at exactly the same time as you and vow to courageously carry on without - you are a soldier and this is your Afghanistan.

Then, finally it's done. You've completed the list. You make a run for the car, head down because that torrential rain that they've been predicting has chosen now to make an appearence. Fifty cars sitting in the queue of traffic spot you and whizz towards your car, crowding in around you so that you have to make a five hundred point manouvere to get out of your space. You sit in traffic for another bazillion hours until you eventually see the bright and warming lights of home .......and simultaneously remember that you've forgotten to buy that bloody jam set for Aunty Val.

Ugh. Still we must remember that Christmas is a time to be thankful....and I for one am thankful that I can drink Baileys at 11am without being judged.

Features Lounge

All I want for Christmas......

If you're anything like me you'll want to find the perfect presents for each of your loved ones this year at prices that mean you'll still be able to afford to eat come January! Have a gander at some of these lovelies for under £50. Merry Chrimbo everyone!

FOR HER

BaByliss Big Hair Hot Air Styler.

£34.96 - Was £44.99 Save £10.00 at www.argos.co.uk

 

£4.99 at Superdrug

Estée Lauder Sensuous

Sensational duo

£38

 

Journal - Evil plans and stuff - a fun lined and blank notebook £7.45

at www.amazon.co.uk

 

 

FOR HIM

 

 

Gillette ProGlide Grooming Gift Set

        £20 at Boots

£10

John Lewis Desktop Mini Football Table

 

 

 Guitar Pick Wallet

by Blazon

£15 at www.notonthehighstreet.com

 

Moustache Straws

£4.99

www.iwantoneofthose.com

 

 

A great range of personalised football books to suit any budget

From £39.99

at www.gonedigging.co.uk

 

 

FOR MOM

 

 

Juliana Glass & Wire Black Glass - Mother Of Pearl Square Trinket Box by Juliana £12.99 £8.54 at www.amazon.co.uk

 

 

Easy feet foot massager

£11.99

www.iwantoneofthose.com

From £12 at www.bodyshop.co.uk

 

 

 

Back & neck massage

• 20 minutes appointment time
• swedish massage technique
• relaxes and unwinds tense tired muscles

price £19.50
Avaliable at Mint Salons throughout the UK. Visit www.mintsalons.co.uk for more information.

FOR DAD

 

 

 

 

Handle and fly birds of prey, including falcons, hawks and owls

Bring along a friend or family member and have them take photos of your experience!

Half-day falconry experience £19 avaliable through www.Kgbdeals.co.uk

 

Superman flask £8 at www.wilkinsonplus.com


Bosch Ciso Cordless Secateur £39.98 at B and Q



Genuine Newspaper from any date of your choice.

From £29.99

at www.gonedigging.co.uk

 

FOR THE KIDS

Barbie walkie talkies

£16.99 at Argos

 

Disney Princess colouring table £15 at www.woolworths.co.uk

 

Lego superheroes ultra build batman £ 11 at www.woolworths.co.uk